What is a peaceful woman? Day 5-Give Keith a chance

“Give Peace a chance? Give Keith a chance” is what I wanted to scream as I kept my eyes glued to this forgotten video of the last meditation retreat for my husband. I desperately wanted his inspiration and and a chance for me to latch on to every word he said. I wanted to feel pain and loss and laughter again and again so I could find my meaning of peace on the other side and move on with my life.
As most of you know, my 29 days of blogging about Peace just happened to coincide with the 3rd “deathaversary” of my husband over this holiday weekend. Good fodder, for sure and I am “workin’ the program” as I like to say. I created a solo retreat to clean up old photos, memories, relationships, you name it. Anything that was left in the way of me moving forward and embracing LIFE and ALL of it’s human emotions. It took effort, faith and a ton of courage and its not over.

The video watching was my 4th of July fireworks. I went through two rolls of toilet paper and my head exploded with a headache by the end of the evening. I watched my dear, Keith in his bloated chemo state of floating in and out of pain and consciousness, answer questions from his beloved group. I witnessed the connection of his unwavering soul as he looked into each one of their eyes. Everyone in the room felt his Godlike presence with the touch of his contorted hand. We delighted in his quick wit and gentle allowance of being and there was no separation of him from spirit in the moment. Yet, even he commented on how confusing it was to make every moment count. All of us were so lucky to be in that room three years ago. And he created this for himself without realizing the gift he was giving all of us.

Now looking through my own congested fog, to ask this of myself. Where can I be a gift? Where in my life can I just be totally present with each individual I come in contact with and share my being by just holding a space of unconditional love for them to be in relationship with me? More importantly, where can I access that for myself and in so doing open up to the infinite possibilities of who and what I am living for?Expanded questions to celebrate and if my attention can focus on that, then I find my peace today. Thank you Keith. Thank you Don and the CSA meditation group.Thank you Cakeman.

Mahalo,

Linda
This is your place. Is this your peace?

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